Uninvited Guest: My Mother Showed Up in Our Family Christmas Pictures

Just a week ago, I found myself leading the family on our annual adventure – the Christmas card photo shoot. It's always a bit of a circus: trying to get everyone dressed in something semi-festive but somewhat warm for an outdoor shoot, battling with hair that seems to have its own agenda and have a knack for finding its way into mouths and eyes, and trying to get smiles from kids who lost interest about a minute after we arrived.

But this year, as I looked at the final product, I saw someone unexpected. It was like my mom snuck her way into my family pictures. Except, it was me, donning features that had subtly started to resemble hers and the passage of time.

Rolfe Family Christmas Photo 2023

The New Model

Life's been different since I started working from home. My daily uniform? Comfy joggers. My hair? It's going grey, and I'm rolling with it. The me from my previous life – the one who was always in front of the camera, whether for fitness modeling, cheerleading, or professional sports – seems like a character from another story now.

But there I was, in the thick of family photo chaos, realizing just how much life has changed me. The skills for painting the picture-perfect image, left unused for years and practiced on a younger self, left me feeling a stranger in my own body.

It's not only about the grey hairs or the laugh lines. It's about how different my whole life is now as a mom and business owner. I've traded the high-energy world of athletics and fitness modeling for arts and craft time, never-ending e-mails, and the delicate balancing act of family and work life.

I absolutely love it, but it comes at a cost and I suppose I never realized that it was being reflected into something tangible – me.

Behind the Image

After the shoot, looking at the photos, I started thinking about how we see ourselves. Do we really notice how we change over the years? And what does it mean when the face in our memories doesn't match the face in the mirror?

I've come to see that the stranger in the mirror was a bit of a reality check. Over the years, I'd gotten so used to envisioning myself a certain way – the way I used to look when I was younger. We keep these images of ourselves in our heads, like snapshots in a family album. But they don't always match up with who we are today.

This also got me thinking about the photos we choose to share with the world. Like the profile picture on your Facebook that's been there for ages because it's just how you want to be seen. We get comfortable with these images, but they can make the person in the mirror seem like a stranger. And in my case, lead me down a rabbit hole of identity confusion.

Here's a little throwback for you all - a photo from my early 20s, a time that somehow still feels like just yesterday. This picture is more than a blast from the past; it's the image I often catch myself still identifying with. It's funny, isn't it? How we can get frozen in a certain time in our minds. This photo brings back memories of youthful energy, endless possibilities, and dreams that were just taking shape. While the face in my mirror today tells a different story, this snapshot is a sweet reminder of the 'me' that I sometimes forget has grown and evolved.

Stephanie Rolfe Headshot from the Past

Reflecting on last weekend's mirror moment really opened my eyes. It's like we're on a quest to match an old version of beauty, and in doing that, we sometimes end up feeling like guests in our own stories. It’s as if we're looking at ourselves through a pair of rose-colored glasses, tinted with nostalgia and the 'should-be's.

Adding to that eye-opener, the unease I felt getting all glammed up for the camera really hit home. It was a clear sign of how much I've changed. It's not just about the physical stuff – sure, my body's different, my skin has its own story now, and even my smile has a new character (courtesy of a few too many sports adventures).

But it's more than that. It's about how my values and priorities have shifted, especially in how I live my life and the example I want to set for my kids. It's a whole new me, and you know what? That's perfectly okay.

My Takeaway

This year’s photoshoot experience was more than just a surprise; it was a lesson in embracing the present, embracing authenticity. Holding on to an old version of myself meant I wasn't really living in the now. I was so concerned with matching my image of my younger self, and having my kids bring their best selves, that I missed the moment for embracing our true selves.

Rather than worry about every photo being perfect, I'm more interested in them being real.

So, for next year's family photo, I'm planning something different. I’m not going to worry about the makeup, or the matching outfits. We're going to keep it real and relaxed. It'll be about capturing us just as we are – the laughter, the mess, the love. Those are the moments that really matter - to me, and to those on my Christmas card list.

And this is what I want to share with you: let's let go of who we used to be and celebrate who we are now. Let's find joy in the real, everyday moments. Because the true beauty in our lives isn't in trying to recreate the past or sit still, pretending to be happy. It's in living and loving our present, just as it is. Let's tell our stories the way they really are – beautifully imperfect and uniquely ours.